Dating Communication Do's & Don'ts

John Morris

A very important ingredient to having a superior relationship
lies in good communication. In fact, it is almost impossible to
have any kind of relationship with a person unless you are able
to relate to him or her. The ability to communicate effectively
means that you have to pay close attention and to listen very
carefully. We all have different methods of communication. You
need to be able to understand, appreciate, and respect how
other people communicate, especially your dating partner.

A good way to show your date that you are listening carefully
to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for
example your partner tells you: "You have been very distant
lately", you then say, "So you are saying I have been distant?"
Follow up with an open ended question like "Tell me more about
what you mean." By saying that, you can verify what your
partner has said and make him or her feel comfortable about
talking to you about his or her concern.

How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by
reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some
guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and
get your point across more effectively:

DO make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a
lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to
open up more and feel at ease.

DON'T make your date feel uncomfortable by judging,
criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say.

DO relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and
attention. Take deep breaths when you feel like you need to end
the conversation because of fear or panic.

DON'T feel that everything has to be resolved at one time.

DO listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other
person is talking.

DON'T use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very
disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking
to.

DO get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across
or if you have any questions.

About The Author: John and Leanne Morris are dating and
relationship coaches. For more dating tips and advice check
out: http://www.Christian-Dating-Advisor.com

I want you where you are wanted

10 Must Have Online Dating Tips

Norbert Lukacsi

Have you ever thought of meeting people online? If so, meeting
people online can be great fun. Online dating has given us the
opportunity from our comforts of our own home to search for
that someone. Let your common sense prevail when searching
online and do not let your instincts lessen when making your
decision. Please see the dating tips below which will make your
search safe, a lot of fun and most importantly successful.

* Dating Tip #1

Most common form of introduction would be to say" Please Allow
me to introduce myself" I use this one myself, it helps to break
the ice and it is polite yet confident.

Have you ever tried to introduce yourself in a night club or a
bar? I am sure you have. Do you say "Hi my name is"... my
telephone number and my address is such and such... No I
thought not. When you introduce yourself on
http://Iwantudating.com, please use common sense and do not
reveal any personal details about yourself. This is one great
thing about online dating. Take as much time as you need in
getting to know someone before being comfortable enough in
revealing all there is to know about you. So make sure you are
not pressured.

* Dating Tip #2

Do not lie about yourself on your profile. People will
eventually find out you are having them on.

* Dating Tip #3

Do take the time to complete the entire profile on the
registration form - Any unanswered questions say you could not
be bothered or are hiding something. Try and complete the form
as much as possible to let any potential contact know the real
you.

* Dating Tip #4

Have you ever heard of the phrase "Honesty is the best policy"
I am sure you have. Honesty is admired yet dishonesty is being
disrespectful. Tell the people you are emailing your true
intentions and it should be the correct path to successful
dating. Always remember, that you must use your common sense
and judgement. I know it is not easy to judge who you are
contacting on the other side so please assess who you are being
honest with.

* Dating Tip #5

Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of
you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent
smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent
preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy.
Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more
replies than members without any photo image attached to their
profile.

* Dating Tip #6

Do not talk or brag about your ex. There is nothing more of a
turn off for people to hear about your previous
relationships. Instead focus on what you already have. The past
is often best forgotten.

* Dating Tip #7

Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a
reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious
about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken
the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice.

* Dating Tip #8

Has it ever happened to you where you are talking to a stranger
and you are wondering what they look like? Our brains tend to
create an image in our mind of what someone might look like. It
is only our natural instinct to do so. If you ever meet or met
the person they did not look anything like you had in your
mind? Am I right? Of Course. Unfortunately none of us are
psychic so I suggest you you ask for a picture and you can feel
more comfortable with whom you are emailing.

* Dating Tip #9

Always and I mean always meet your date in a mutual place
during the day which both of you are comfortable with. Always
advise a friend or a relative of where you are going and leave
a contact number. Do not leave any Drinks
unattended. Unfortunately and it must be said that we live in
cruel and sick world. Please if you have an alcoholic drink
then please drink moderately.

* Dating Tip #10

Be Realistic. Most fairytale stories do not have a happy
ending. If they sound perfect fit , it does not necessarily mean
send the wedding Invitations out yet. If this date does not work
out do not worry it will not be your last first date. If it does
not lead to a next date then pack your bags and move on to the
next potential candidate on your list. Do not be put off.

Remember there are plenty of fish in the Sea. So make sure you
choose wisely.

About The Author: Norbert is the owner and the author of Dating
Variety Newsletter available at http://www.iwantudating.com or
http://www.datingvariety.com

5 Steps to Dating with Integrity

Copyright 2005 Heartmind Connection, LLC

Here you are. You just have had another failed
relationship, wondering do I want to put myself back out
there to and try to meet someone just to be disappointed
again. How can you take a different approach this time?
How can you increase your chances when you do meet someone
you are interested in? How do you avoid dishonest people
in your search? These are the questions I asked myself
when I was single and I was looking for my life partner.
If you follow the steps outlined below, you will get better
results in finding your great lifelong relationship!

Step 1: You need to know yourself and your life goals

A client of mine is a divorced and is having a difficult
time getting back in the dating game. He really missed
having a steady relationship and didn�t feel very confident
about getting out there to date. He took a shotgun
approach on the internet and met a woman who came from a
different cultural background, including a different
religion. He was happy at first to meet someone who was
interested in him. As time went on, apparent differences
started to appear. Yet, he did care for this woman.

We worked to clarify his values as well as his goals for
his life. How did he picture his life in the future as a
married individual? First he wanted a family and one that
honored his faith. He realized this would be a big
stumbling block with the different cultures and religion.
He also valued being prudent with his finances and realized
his girlfriend had higher expectations than he could
afford. All in all their values were in conflict as well
as how they wanted to live their life in the future.

What if he knew this information before going into the
relationship? Perhaps he would have not ventured to date
this woman and save himself the heartache. N.ow he has to
start the dating and selecting process all over again.
However, he will select someone more congruent with his
values and lifestyle goals next time that will give him a
better chance to have success.

Step 2: You need to know what you need in a relationship?

What must you have in a relationship to make you happy? Do
you know? Do you crave romance, physical affection, a
significant amount time with your partner? Do you need
someone who is financially stable?

I know a women, Donna, who became smitten with my friend,
Roy*, and visa versa. They dated for at least 3 months and
seemed happy. However, she lived in Virginia with young
children and he lived in Maryland (40 minutes away) and had
his own child. Neither would be able to move because of
the children. In addition, Roy had started a new career
that involved commission sales and was not yet financially
secure. Donna broke up with Roy because he didn�t earn
enough income for Donna. What a tragedy! Roy was
heartbroken.

Just imagine that Donna and Roy knew that the distance
would be difficult in this situation and Donna knew her
financial needs from a partner. They would have not
invested their time and emotion in this relationship and
would have sought relationships that meet their needs.

Just a hint, if you feel needy in a relationship, some key
expression of love is missing for you.

Step 3: Do Take on the Tough Issues Early On

One of my clients was dating a man that she was falling in
love with and was very much attached to. After two months,
she discovered that he did not want anymore children than
the two he had from his previous marriage. She desired to
have a child of her own (a clear �must have�).

It was difficult, but she did decide to break up and try to
find someone who had the same goal as she did. Time is
critical for many women and learning this information
quickly is very important.

What if she brought the subject up on the second or third
date and said, �I�m looking to meet someone that I will
eventually marry and want children of their own�? She
would have found out right away that he choose not to have
another child. You say, how can I say this? Won�t I
scare the guy away? My philosophy is if the guy (or gal)
gets scared and runs away, let him (or her)! Any serious
contender will stick around.

Step 4: Don�t Get Too Physical Too Soon!

Time and time I see my clients get too physically involved
in a relationship much too quickly and then regret how
hooked in they became. They were in this quandary that
they liked the physical relationship but did not see a
future with the woman. And for women, there is a hormone
released during s.ex that makes us feel attached to the
male.

Resist temptation! It�s so important to get to know a
person and let the emotional, intellectual connection, and
spiritual connection for some, grow first. This is a
foundation of a great relationship. If there is physical
attraction, that�s great. It�s not going anywhere.

Take at least 3 months to date and really get to know each
other without s.ex. If there is a desire to take the
relationship to the next stage, being exclusive with the
desire move in a serious direction, at least you know that
you have the same values, goals in life and want the same
things. Besides, if the relationship turns out not to be
right, you will be able to walk away with respect and may
be able to remain friends. This step alone will reduce the
risk of failing in a relationship again.

Step 5: Make a Commitment to Be Honest in Your Relationships

In my dating questionnaire, I asked the question, �In
dating and/or relationships, what makes you angry?� The
overwhelming response is dishonesty. Yes, we can�t
control how another behaves, but we can choose to be honest
to another person. They will respect you for your honesty.

I recently had a client role-play how she would tell a guy
that she was not interested in dating him. I asked her how
she felt when she said to him,� I enjoyed meeting you.
However, I do not feel that this is a good fit for me.�
She said she felt empowered and felt good about herself for
being honest and straightforward. I then asked her,� how
are you honoring this person by being honest?� She
replied,� I am showing them I respect them and not willing
to waste their time so they can find someone more suited
for him.� Bingo!

How can you prevent someone from being dishonest with you?
Go back to step #4! Take your time and get to know your
potential partner. The people dating with integrity will
respect you and want to take the time for them to get to
know you, as well.

By following the steps above, you are ensuring a better
dating experience the next time around. By being honest
and straightforward with others, you will gain their
respect and be someone they may recommend to a friend if it
turns out they are not the one. All in all, it will be
win-win situation.

* The names have been changed to honor confidentiality of
my clients and friends.

Amy Schoen is a life coach who specializes in helping
singles to discover what they need and want in
relationships and how to find their desired romantic
partner. For down to earth tips and helpful hints on
dating and relationships, you can subscribe to her popular
ezine or her tele-seminars at:
http://www.heartmindconnection.com

Christmas Romance

Just doing a quick poll to see how many of you have had romance during the holidays?

Feel free to post your romantic christmas stories. If you had a negative experience feel free to post that as well!

Speaking of Christmas! Has anyone started to shop? I'm doing alot of my shopping online this year. I found a mall that you can shop from that offers wal-mart, target, Macys, Montgomery Ward and tons others in one location!

Click Here to check it out!

Being Bold with Gay Men by Robin Forbes

How many times have you talked to a cute guy only to never see him again?
How many times have you wished that you could go out with that sexy guy you saw on the dance floor?
How many times have you wished you said something to that cute number, three tables away at the coffee shop?
I think it would be safe to say that if you're like a lot of guys I know, you have countless regrets. I for one have been in the same boat.
Being somewhat introverted I've had plenty of opportunities and dropped the ball on many an occasion. However, I discovered something years ago that's helped me overcome my shyness, become less of a wallflower and shed my meek image.
I used to go to the bars a lot as it was my primary means of entertainment and social life. And predictably, like so many other guys I'd go back home drunk, disappointed and without anyone...
...Until one fateful night, I decided that I was going to the bar to pick up a specific guy and I wasn't leaving the bar unless it was with that guy and we were going to his place.
I was tired of letting my petty fears get in the way of what I wanted.
So, I got into my best "I'm here to get laid" clothes, sprayed a bit of cologne for effect and went into hunting mode.
When I got to the bar I spotted the guy that had taken an interest in me all week; I walked over and sat down right next to him and ordered him another beer and a drink for myself. It shocked the heck out of him - he didn't know what had hit him!
We talked the night away about everything and nothing. I laughed, smiled and gently steered the direction of the conversation. It was getting close to closing time and the guy was trying to figure out if there was any chance for him of getting any action. I could tell by his questions and by his questioning looks and stumbling manners.
It was time to take my new-found boldness that extra step... Point blank -- I told him that we should leave and go back to his place. He did a double take -- "Really?" he said, "Really," I answered.
The lesson that I learned that night is one that I've applied successfully countless times since. It's also the same lesson that I applied when I finally decided that I was tired of being single...
If you want to score with a guy, if you want to change your situation, you have to shed your inner wuss and take bold -- decisive action.
Wishing you bold dating experiences,
Robin

Robin found his partner of 6 years at an online personals site. To read more dating tips and find some great resources for Gay men, visit his http://www.gaydatingtips.com/ -Gay Dating Tips site.

Thanks Robin for this great article for all of our Gay readers.